And I’m off to the Dominican Republic. I felt compelled to do something special for myself. I have enough in savings that I figured I could splurge on some sort of vacation. I had a deep desire to sit on a beach, especially since I had dropped a bunch of weight and was feeling like I could possibly rock a bikini. I bought and paid for the excursion in June. The trip was taking place at the end of July. Was this too cliche? …a separated middle aged woman going to sit on a beach and think about life? It’s not like I was getting a tattoo. Um, I already did that months ago when my ex disappeared during an ice storm to go on a month long cross country bender. Oh if only I had read Amy Poehler’s book sooner. It was my first tattoo and my own design. I like it enough and it’s not like it’s on my face or anything. But regardless, sometimes I wonder if that was too hasty of a decision. Anyway…
I filled my family in, and my brother David expressed an interest in joining me. We didn’t have a chance to bond after his divorce, so I thought this was the perfect chance to get caught up. So he got a ticket and joined me. Considering I’m still feeling manic when I’m alone, he should help to keep me sane.
We connected in Miami, caught our flight to DR, and the vacation began. David was instantly pounding drinks by the bar and hitting on an older woman. This was a side of him I had never seen. I think he was trying to hook me up with her son who was close to 20 years younger than me. No no no no no what was he thinking no.
The resort was great. We spent a lot of time laying by the beach. I tried to run every morning except one where I slept in a little late, ahem. Okay, I was hungover. I spent the previous evening demonstrating to David why tipping on an all inclusive vacation was important. Let’s just say it is a lesson he will never forget… and I will never remember. Ouch. This trip was helping me transition. There were moments where all I could think about was getting home to get back to painting, but I fought those moments.
I chatted occasionally with a couple friends from home. I was still in that weird space where I didn’t know if my friends were picking sides and I felt like I should disconnect and let them approach me when they felt ready. That way they could decide. I love my friends, but they were people my ex and I shared and at times they added stress to my life. I had already distanced myself from them years before in order to slow down the fast paced drinky-party-time lifestyle to focus on being better at my job, getting my masters and basically growing up. It would only make sense if they chose him over me. Then again, we had all gone through so much that I couldn’t imagine that they would disconnect from me all together. In the meantime, it was uncomfortable and I really didn’t know who to turn to, so I had been internalizing everything. But that was also a bit empowering. I can take care of myself…all of myself…all by myself.